Match result – 30 November 2008

Score 7 : 7

Blue bibs

Damian “Damien” Walsh ¦ Andy “Marlene” Power ¦ Andy “Slater” Howe ¦ Iain “Uncle Albert” Corlett ¦ Ged “Rodney” Cannon

Yellow bibs

John “Boycie” Hughes ¦ James “Del Boy” Fergusson ¦ Jim “Mickey” Citrine ¦ John “Trigger” Davies ¦ Mark “Denzil” Jones

After the pleasantly received and much welcomed resurrection of Mike in the last few weeks, his unanticipated relapse meant the cast welcomed back Denzil to the fray, in what would be the last full dress rehearsal before the Christmas Special soon to be seen nationwide by an eager and rapacious public, craving for more of their favourite characters from TIT.

The blue bibs fielded a strong line up with Damien [only Rodney sees the dark side within], Marlene [more notches on the biscuit tin than anyone else], Slater [a player who can be trusted to wield the ankle tap when needed], Uncle Albert [the years have not been kind to him but boy can he recite some tales!!!] and Rodders [a much underestimated character without whom the show wouldn’t be the same].

The yellow bibs looked weak in comparison but lead by their talisman Denzil [he just wants to please really], with a supporting cast of the widest wide boy of the lot Del Boy [say no more], Boycie [you know he has several camel coats at home], Mickey [trying to go straight – to jail that is] and Trigger [the once brilliant intellect but now sadly in decline] – the yellows were to raise their game to unforeseen levels and very much beyond the sum of their parts.

With a lethargic opening to the game, the blues were reliant on the once radiant Marlene rolling back the years with a glimpse into the past with a fabulous cameo performance [for at least 5 minutes]. However, like all ageing beauties, the minutes took their toll and the performance sagged – the result being an outrageous theft of an equalizer by Mickey [no stranger to the wrong side of the law] aided by the inability of the ageing beauty to be able to tuck the flab in quickly enough to bend down – pity she couldn’t visualise her normal Friday night activities at the back of the pub – she would have bent down much more quickly !!!!

Denzil showed his worth and led from the front and bagged a couple of goals – always dangerous, but that is scousers all over.

Soon after, Mickey was involved in more controversy – first, Damien showing his dark side, bundled the ball and Mickey into the net “take that you thieving bastard“ was heard in muttered tones – second, in a further attempt to aggravate the performance, Mickey with the skill of the artful dodger, handled the ball into the net; staring at a 10 to 15 stretch, Mickey turned QE and coughed – discretion is the better part of valour, n'est pas ?

In a finely balanced encounter, with the lead not going beyond plus two, gamesmanship started to feature; did Trigger come out of the area ? all was glossed over as it couldn’t possibly be a deliberate act for the mega intelligent one !! Slater, with fine usage of the hands as learned from Mickey [you can always rely on him to do what is necessary] and finally Del Boy, who obviously had forgotten in which pocket he had stashed his cash, was frantically seen to be checking everyone’s pockets but more of this later.

Now as the end of the game approached, Boycie showed just why he is such a slippery character with a number of pure spawny goals to wind the opposition up with; like the seasoned car salesman he is, he was to visualise the hapless punter taking that “Cut & Shut” off his hands and with the ruthlessness that all top sellers have, he went for the close: how did he do it ? no-one knows but only Alastair Campbell could get more spin on the ball.

The yellows seeing an unlikely victory were determined to upset the form book, but the illegal use of the hands was to prove their downfall – Del Boy, determined to find where Rodders had put the cash was busy rummaging in Rodders pockets, only to find his monkey’s fist caught in the apparel at the vital moment, leaving Uncle Albert free to break out of his reverie and get the equaliser. Boy did the cockney git moan like a whore shortchanged “You Plonker Rodney” the assembled cast guffawed in appreciation of the iconic riposte.

One minute to go and Rodders, thinking he was having the last laugh, stole ahead of the grumbling Del Boy, took a pass from Uncle Albert and poked home what he thought of as the winner. However, and not for the first time, Denzil came good with an equalizer in the depths of injury time to send the cast home honours even.